Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
a search helicopter?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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