if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
