so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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