Redeem this text for a blowjob
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
