hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
