That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize