I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
