New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She told me I should be a condom model.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
