Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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