I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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