Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
