Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
