Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
