Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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