did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
