your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
