I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
