it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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