While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize