Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
