FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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