How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
