hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
