Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I pour the whiskey from now on
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
