Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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