he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just googled if crying burns calories
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
