Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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