If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
