Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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