I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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