So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize