No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
