think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
