twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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