you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
