i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
