Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
