Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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