oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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