yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
