did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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