Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
