im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Only a mothe r could love this liver
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize