mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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