Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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