Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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