I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
