My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i think im in europe. pls send help
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