my room smells like sperm. sweet.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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