Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
