i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
