I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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