Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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