tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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