you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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