did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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