There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
