I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
