its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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