jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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