i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
