Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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