plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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