I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
