when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
