I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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