he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
