If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
