I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
