She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
