This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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