thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
