she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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