in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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