McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to calm my uterus...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
