I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
