At least make sure they are 18
Why
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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