I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
