ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
