I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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