if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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